It’s Father’s Day Weekend! (June 19, 2015)


We’re throwing our hands up this TGIPieday in celebration of dads. Fathering a child seems like a really tough job–and there are plenty of folks out there who ain’t so qualified–but day-umn, is it ever awesome to witness it being done well. So major kudos to you dads who planted your seed somewhere and did a legit job in raising it.

Just a little PSA to the papas out there—

You are so ridiculously much to someone(s). I say this with great certainty… losing your temper and raising your voice every now and again doesn’t matter, not being willing or able to fill every request for a new ______, or a ride to _______, or a slumber party with ______, doesn’t matter, failing to paint a 100% family dinner-style, conflict- and worry-free childhood doesn’t matter, being the last one in the pick-up line doesn’t matter, what car you show up driving in pick-up line doesn’t matter, not being able to get off work this time doesn’t matter, and leaning on frozen chicken nuggets or take-out more nights than you might like doesn’t matter. Not in the long haul.

Having open ears and arms no matter what matters, offering honesty and seasoned wisdom generously (and often without invitation) matters, staying up all night to help with homework or a procrastinated school project that’s 40% of the final grade matters, calling bullshit on bullshit matters, making something that was cooler than what that other dad bought matters, being a safe harbor matters, relentlessly supporting every interest and oddity matters, watching Batman and eating ice cream sandwiches together on Saturdays matters, illustrating through action that standing up after being knocked down and evolving in the face of overwhelming aches is not only possible, but essential, matters, unconditional patience matters, putting what they want/need first without a second or third thought matters, that time you taught me that adding ham to my cheese sandwiches would be a game-changer matters, never ending a conversation without saying “I love you” matters, and accepting that your college educated kid wields run-on sentences like it’s their mother-fudging calling matters.

And all that being said, here are a few pies you might consider making for your dad this weekend to say thanks for being an integral part of your creation and/or development as a human. Or you can just make one for yourself and eat it in his honor, supposing your dad lives really far away or that you’re not so tight with him.

For some reason, key lime is the favored pie of every man who’s ever been significant in my life. That’s a mild exaggeration, but I still think there’s a good chance your dad might be into it, this one looks real legit. If I know anything about dads, I know these two things: dads like eating with their hands, and dads like beef. Thus, these hand pies are a solid dad option. And I guess if your dad happens to be the sophisticated vegetarian exception to my widely accepted dad rules, a fork-and-knife mushroom tart might do the trick. If your dad is kind of on the eccentric side, rabbit and crawfish would be my recommendation. My dad was actually the first person to introduce me to the fact that cake sucks and pie is everything. He always preferred a pie on his birthday, and I am to this day really sorry for the awful marble bundt cake I made him for his birthday when I was like 10. It was the first cake I’d ever made from scratch unassisted and the Cookie Monster blue candle wax that melted all over the top was genuinely the most appealing part of it. If I could do it all over again, I would make this blueberry bourbon situation instead. Blueberry is my dad’s personal favorite, and learning that soaking things in bourbon can cover a wide array of booboos might have been a valuable lesson to learn at that age. Speaking of bourbon, I’m not saying you should get your dad this, I’m really not saying that at all, but I honestly just want to share so that I’m not the only bearing the weight of knowing it’s out there. And if all else fails, hell, order a pizza pie and watch Zombieland with him…whatever you need to do to celebrate your papa bear and all he is to you, we are all about that life.



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